“perdu quelque part entre “je suis” et “je m’en fous”

There are thousands of writings and books about happiness. How to get happiness, how to keep it if you have found it, why you have not found it before, and the promise that if you do your homework with conscientiousness then you will definitely find it, if not on the earth then necessarily when you land on the other side. For advice and tips, no one surpasses us! But is that really the way it is?
Heaven, Eden, Paradise (call it as you wish) was solemnly imagined in all holy and secular books as an unrealistic utopian grace of silence, a feelingless place where there was no gentleness or anger and no sighs. It was dogmatically simplified by the fear that the slightest shadow introduced into this space could overshadow the brilliance of the promised happiness. Later, people discovered boredom, maliciously discovered the monotony of this landscape, and took dangerous precautions against this eternal and monotonous state of apathy! For it seems that without dramatic landmarks, happiness ceases to exist; a linear, ungraded, unrelated joy is not desirable, it is not good.
In our understanding and conception, self-conscious happiness is nothing but the silence between two crises. The crisis, therefore, would be the cause and effect of happiness, and at the limit of paradox, the suspicion arises that; we can live without happiness, but it seems that not without crisis.
Originally the word “crisis” comes from the Greek “krisis-krinein” – to judge, to think, to reason. Where there is thinking, crisis is possible and where a crisis is pulsating, thinking will automatically pulsate. Happiness can be unconscious, but the crisis is self-thinking. Analytical thinking and doubt are what delineate our very rare state of beatitude, which, undefined by these veritable markings, would sneak past us and would go unnoticed. Not crises but contentment should worry us. Storms, it is true, can be destructive, but the absence of wind means lack of rain and automatically the absence of life.
Young trees should not be housed in the wind, and, above all, they should not be taught that the wind does not exist.
When crisis means change, sinidisis and living, then why decorate our windows and walls with boring paradises?
We are born to think, reason and research, why then, tolerate our cowardliness and apprehension in believing that perfection is somewhere near? We are unhappy not because we would miss happiness, but because its absence does not depend on us. As far as I understand, to me happiness seems to be a matter of free will. Free will is the right to decide your own destiny and fate, in itself it is an indispensable and often sufficient condition of happiness. We can give up on anything, proudly, even happily, as long as we are not forced to do it! It seems that the presence of freedom is sufficient to determine and change the properties of states and situations, a paradoxical human condition, but strictly necessary! It turns out that we need so little to be happy!
But to move between two points, it is necessary to be convinced that the two points exist. To aspire to happiness, we must believe that happiness is possible, in order to get closer to the truth, we must believe that the truth can be said. And mankind has never lacked faith, doubt itself is merely a form of it, a form strictly necessary, a life-giving form; “A faith that does not doubt is a dead faith”, wrote Unamuno. This is, in fact, the path chosen by most beliefs to die.
We are always on our way, moving slowly, taking a step towards the goal, and the second to convince us that the goal exists. And between these two steps, in that gap between the second that dies and the one who knocks at the door, choosing consciously where we go, what we feel and what we are, is our freedom, our happiness.