Looking for lost butterflies…

When the love we felt at first disappears from our lives, what do we have left with? To live a good life with your partner! It’s going to be crazy (the life), but not too often, or at least I’d prefer. Because you have not moved to the bedlam and at the same time, you can not believe that you are at the party all the time. You can not believe that you will live happily with him or her every day. Actually, you can, but it will not be good for you.
Boredom is part of our lives. Is it not like that? Do you feel worried about this? Boredom in a relationship, boredom in two, is one of the most desirable experiences. It is probably, the signal that you have overcome the struggles for domination. From here your good life together can begin.
Good living in two starts without us. How does this work? Very simple, the care for our relationship must be above our Ego, taken separately per head.
The relationship we have with someone can be, at the choice of each one, above our ego, which almost always seeks preservation or the “status quo”.
One of the keys is forgiveness, or more specifically, to take concrete steps to return with your partner to a state of balance, a state of stability. I do not know if you believe me or not, but a good life in two does not mean emotional and verbal excesses. It means having a balance, and this is also true for couples with high volatility
I think love begins with acceptance. At least with tolerance. Everyone can love only with his own measure. Otherwise, we speak in terms of domination and control.
With the acceptance of what it is, as it is, genuine love actually starts. We notice differences between us. We do not have to pretend we do not see them in the name of a dream-like harmony. But let’s not start personal wars in the name of selfish justice. Let’s look at them (at these small or big differences) and clarify them. We talk about them and then we go together to concessions. I give up a little, you the same and maybe we can understand. Or maybe not. How can we live with this? Together or separate!
These are the crossroads of our lives! And yes,… it hurts us usually!

54 ways…?! :)

According to a site, there are 54 ways you can become happier. You can choose and try any of them. I have a book with hundreds of ways for happiness. Honestly (and insensible) I find it almost useless.
It seems amazing to me how people are looking for happiness (going to workshops and conferences and paying big amounts of money, but also efforts and time), despite some knowledge (scientifically validated) that warns us of the futility of this quest.
Many don´t want to know that a garbage collector from Calcutta (a city in the West Bengal, close to the Bangladesh border) might be happier than an IBM CEO, proud owner, of Range Rover, a personal assistant (milky and sprint), villa owner and a holiday home in the most luxurious places …
The garbage collector and CEO, or senator and butcher, can be both happy on the same level because happiness is not what most people think it is. On the contrary, it requires effort, dedication, and commitment.
How many of us are willing to do this? It involves frustration, it has nothing to do with today’s happiness or the immediate satisfaction of wishes, it requires regular efforts aimed at goals, concentration, and patience, plus an expanded perspective in the future. As I think I said once before, it is also called  eudaimonic well-being (from daimon – true nature).
Daimon refers to potentialities of each person, realisation of which leads to the greatest fulfilment. Efforts to live in accordance with one’s daimon, the congruence between this and people’s life activities, lead to the experience of eudaemonia…
And what if your true nature is calling you to violence? ( it can happen to anyone).  Well about this topic, and other kinds of more hedonistic happiness on another occasion. 🙂

Until then, if you see Aristotle, please send him, my greetings! 🙂


Envy… A common feeling…

We all feel envy. It’s a spontaneous thought. Envy is an absolutely normal feeling that occurs when, involuntarily or not, we relate ourselves to others and find that they have something we lack.
To be envious is basically to react to the discovery of your disadvantage, to someone who looks like you, but apparently unfavorable, it benefits from superior qualities or circumstances.
The woman is genetically envious. Ethology, the science of animal and human behavior, have shown that human envy is a consequence of competition for primary needs: food, water, air, and reproduction, including sexuality. Any object of our envy is included in the desire, to be advantageous.
Feminine envy, in the historical past of the primitive man, had even the role of the physical elimination of opponents who were targeting a strong man, so capable of giving birth to surviving children in great conditions. Envy it is, therefore, extremely intense, having an inherited base, and is particularly aggressive against women who seem to pose a threat through superiority or the advantage of circumstances.
The woman of today is genetically as envious as the woman from 2,000 to 3,000 years ago, and envy is the feeling that pushes her into a competition, usually against other women. Women gossip and men hit. Unlike men, envy, it causes women to hit the competitor’s image. The most frequent phenomena are rumor and intrigue, as premeditated attitudes of defamation of the envious one, engages affective involvement and even strategies of the annihilation of ” The Ingrate” ! 😤
Ladies, calm down!  emotional instability transform any woman into a “drama queen”! ))