Envy… A common feeling…

We all feel envy. It’s a spontaneous thought. Envy is an absolutely normal feeling that occurs when, involuntarily or not, we relate ourselves to others and find that they have something we lack.
To be envious is basically to react to the discovery of your disadvantage, to someone who looks like you, but apparently unfavorable, it benefits from superior qualities or circumstances.
The woman is genetically envious. Ethology, the science of animal and human behavior, have shown that human envy is a consequence of competition for primary needs: food, water, air, and reproduction, including sexuality. Any object of our envy is included in the desire, to be advantageous.
Feminine envy, in the historical past of the primitive man, had even the role of the physical elimination of opponents who were targeting a strong man, so capable of giving birth to surviving children in great conditions. Envy it is, therefore, extremely intense, having an inherited base, and is particularly aggressive against women who seem to pose a threat through superiority or the advantage of circumstances.
The woman of today is genetically as envious as the woman from 2,000 to 3,000 years ago, and envy is the feeling that pushes her into a competition, usually against other women. Women gossip and men hit. Unlike men, envy, it causes women to hit the competitor’s image. The most frequent phenomena are rumor and intrigue, as premeditated attitudes of defamation of the envious one, engages affective involvement and even strategies of the annihilation of ” The Ingrate” ! 😤
Ladies, calm down!  emotional instability transform any woman into a “drama queen”! ))

Being free…

Being free is a very important ingredient of happiness. Free yourself from self-condemning accusations, hypocritical moral values, unsolvable regrets, and mediocre relationships.
You can not be happy if your actions are not congruent with what you think. Be more authentic, even if it means less “moral”.
And do not forget, happiness is a top experience of your existence, but it is a temporary state. Do not be addicted to its continuity!
( Photo- wild horses on the Danube Delta, in Romania, maybe the last in Europe)

smile and the world will smile with you …:)

“Too many people spend money they have not earned to buy things they do not want, to impress people they do not like.”
Will Rogers
Nothing truer, because the most beautiful things are not associated with money, are the memories and beautiful moments associated with loved ones, with friends, with people you have met willingly or randomly and they surprised you, like no one else has ever done! Choose to be happy, and be!
Free will is built with every choice, with every sustained decision that will determine your evolution.
Surprise yourself! The only real routine is the routine of being yourself! This is the only real, exasperating, routine. The rest are just excuses! Real boredom is, to get bored of yourself!
Happiness is not the consequence of gaining something that we do not have, but it is a recognition and appreciation of what we have.
In a way, happiness is a form of courage – the courage to get out of the social flock impressed by dissatisfaction and to spread smiles and enthusiasm. We are all in the same story, but some of us are staring at the stars. 🙂

 

“unconcious memoirs”

Every encounter, any interaction we have with a person, with a human, leaves us “unconscious memoirs”, which determine our later dislikes and sympathies. We put people on an imaginary pedestal, or we subcategorize them with nonchalance because we “feel” it. What we actually feel are our prejudices based on our hopes or anxieties.
The mind works through associations. We associate our perceptions with emotions.
Most of our memories are forming a threshold of awareness, in our minds “less conscious.” Intuition is actually the expression of this information subconsciously stored.

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“normal madness”

You can have “normal madness.” No one will notice, we all have it, because we are all the same. Just don’t cross the border of this kind of “normal madness” status. You will be declared crazy at that very time.
– And, who establishes this border? 
– Well, other people with “normal madness.”
The difference between craziness and normality is only of degree, not of quality. The differences in status don’t have any value. You are always at the border; a little thought and it can push you beyond what is considered normal
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Although to be honest to myself, :)) I think the most interesting people are the ones you can suspect for an amount of insanity. Or better said those people who can go mad at any time, not because the genetic background predisposes them, but rather because the intensity of their experiences leads them more quickly to the edge of their understanding.
The evolution of psychology in the deciphering of psychological mechanisms may eventually lead to humble acceptance that, in fact, madness, despair, contradiction, paradox, and obsession are the basic traits of man. The human, the “organism” that has surpassed his animalistic condition and opened his/her eyes to a metaphorical, symbolic world, with social agreements, meant to straighten millions of years living on the unconscious.

 

“perdu quelque part entre “je suis” et “je m’en fous”

There are thousands of writings and books about happiness. How to get happiness, how to keep it if you have found it, why you have not found it before, and the promise that if you do your homework with conscientiousness then you will definitely find it, if not on the earth then necessarily when you land on the other side. For advice and tips, no one surpasses us! But is that really the way it is?
Heaven, Eden, Paradise (call it as you wish) was solemnly imagined in all holy and secular books as an unrealistic utopian grace of silence, a feelingless place where there was no gentleness or anger and no sighs. It was dogmatically simplified by the fear that the slightest shadow introduced into this space could overshadow the brilliance of the promised happiness. Later, people discovered boredom, maliciously discovered the monotony of this landscape, and took dangerous precautions against this eternal and monotonous state of apathy! For it seems that without dramatic landmarks, happiness ceases to exist; a linear, ungraded, unrelated joy is not desirable, it is not good.
In our understanding and conception, self-conscious happiness is nothing but the silence between two crises. The crisis, therefore, would be the cause and effect of happiness, and at the limit of paradox, the suspicion arises that; we can live without happiness, but it seems that not without crisis.
Originally the word “crisis” comes from the Greek “krisis-krinein” – to judge, to think, to reason. Where there is thinking, crisis is possible and where a crisis is pulsating, thinking will automatically pulsate. Happiness can be unconscious, but the crisis is self-thinking. Analytical thinking and doubt are what delineate our very rare state of beatitude, which, undefined by these veritable markings, would sneak past us and would go unnoticed. Not crises but contentment should worry us. Storms, it is true, can be destructive, but the absence of wind means lack of rain and automatically the absence of life.
Young trees should not be housed in the wind, and, above all, they should not be taught that the wind does not exist.
When crisis means change, sinidisis and living, then why decorate our windows and walls with boring paradises?
We are born to think, reason and research, why then, tolerate our cowardliness and apprehension in believing that perfection is somewhere near? We are unhappy not because we would miss happiness, but because its absence does not depend on us. As far as I understand, to me happiness seems to be a matter of free will. Free will is the right to decide your own destiny and fate, in itself it is an indispensable and often sufficient condition of happiness. We can give up on anything, proudly, even happily, as long as we are not forced to do it! It seems that the presence of freedom is sufficient to determine and change the properties of states and situations, a paradoxical human condition, but strictly necessary! It turns out that we need so little to be happy!
But to move between two points, it is necessary to be convinced that the two points exist. To aspire to happiness, we must believe that happiness is possible, in order to get closer to the truth, we must believe that the truth can be said. And mankind has never lacked faith, doubt itself is merely a form of it, a form strictly necessary, a life-giving form; “A faith that does not doubt is a dead faith”, wrote Unamuno. This is, in fact, the path chosen by most beliefs to die.
We are always on our way, moving slowly, taking a step towards the goal, and the second to convince us that the goal exists. And between these two steps, in that gap between the second that dies and the one who knocks at the door, choosing consciously where we go, what we feel and what we are, is our freedom, our happiness.

the color of happiness…

With a bit of luck and humor, each of us has at least one pair of glasses with pink lenses in his/her wardrobe. Ideal would be to have two pairs in case you often match your purse with the color of your shoes, or you are the happy owner of a blonde secretary with intense and assumed concupiscence that you have to calm down on the full moon nights. 🙂

Glasses with pink lenses help us see life in pink shades. However, when we dare to put down these glasses, real life gets different nuances from the full spectrum of visible light, even from the hidden, invisible light.

But that requires courage.

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When you discover that the glasses (the illusion) on your nose are “liars,” you are implacably confronted with the anxiety of death or helplessness, misery or smallness, sickness or aging. When we take off the glasses we become realistic, that is, vulnerable. It’s the moment when we become aware of our fragility and precariousness in front of reality and nature. It isn’t advisable at all to give up the pink lenses through which we see the world, not even to put our glasses down. Only sometimes it is desirable to take a realistic look over them. To be tangent with reality implies an unaltered position that we only reach if we use reason to avoid perceptive and cognitive bias as much as possible.

The glasses with pink lenses are the positive illusions needed as adaptive mechanisms in an insecure and unpredictable world. Realism and the absence of pink lenses represent the depressed position with a high risk of suicide.

Pink lenses make the world more beautiful and life easier to live and therefore can increase happiness and well-being. Healthy people have at least one pair of such glasses.

If you are the owner of such glasses, consider yourself lucky at the “cortical lottery”. There seems to be a genetic determination on the pink lenses.

So some of us are luckier and benefit from lenses with pink shades, and less fortunate people have received lenses with pale pink shades. There are also the unfortunate ones in the “lenses cortical lottery”, who are struggling with severe depression or manic-depressive syndrome.

The lenses of the glasses are colored in pink by the following three illusions:

– The self is amplified positively. In relation to your own self, you perceive yourself as important, beautiful, competent and other positive attributes.

– The illusion that you have control over the environment. In relation to the world, you feel in control, that you have the freedom and the power to change or act on the environment to fulfill your desires.

– Unrealistic optimism in relation to the future. When you imagine your future, you have an unrealistic optimist perspective, living in the emotional register as joy and trust – you think everything will be fine.

Why are they illusions to us? Because our glasses are altering reality, it colors it with pink shades, even if they apply a bit of gray every now and then. Naturally, the reality is unpredictable and indifferent to our prayers, desires, and actions. And the future is still unwritten.

Reality does not support anyone’s side. Reality doesn’t favor anyone as a result of a plan because there are no plans and goals (unless you imagine the presence of a divine entity orchestrating the universe). Reality is spontaneous. But that doesn’t mean we’re helpless. We have control over our actions, but not over the results; which may be desirable or expected only in terms of probability.

In this “insensitive and indifferent” reality, we can be our own artists who paint our own world and our own character in pink shades, or we can be our own narrator and novelist who writes his/her personal history with humor. But do not forget, to take a look at reality over your glasses with pink lenses from time to time just to balance your wheels.

***

Taylor, Shelley E. (1989). Positive Illusions. Creative Self-Deception and The Healthy Mind. Basic Books, New York