(Im)personal experience… Experiences define us … when we put them in words, sentences, and coherent phrases, of course. I build a story that becomes part of the history of the self (the autobiographical self). Don’t you want an elaborate story with a wealth of meanings? Yeah, :)… it’s like I’m hearing you. Well, then, the expression is first. What we have experienced, let’s say on a recent vacation, is part of my history and defines me by assuming assumption. Start with the first person: “I have lived …”, “I believe …”, “I think …”, “I dream or dreamed …”, “I learned from that …”. Experiences, perceptions, emotions, and desires are about our own person. They don’t belong to another, to a fictitious “You.” Don’t talk about your experiences as if you were not there! They are yours. Please accept them. That’s how acceptance begins.
One day an elephant saw a hummingbird lying on its back with its tiny feet up in the air. “What are you doing?” asked the elephant. The hummingbird replied, “I heard that the sky might fall today, and so I am ready to help hold it up, should it fall.” The elephant laughed cruelly. “Do you really think,” he said, “that those tiny feet could help hold up the sky?” The hummingbird kept his feet up in the air, intent on his purpose as he replied, “Not alone. But each must do what he can. And this is what I can do.”~ Chinese Parable Life means living. It’s not a thing, it’s a process. There is no other way of reaching life than living, being alive, following the course, flowing with it. If you try to find the meaning of life in a dogma, a philosophy, a theology, it is the perfect way to miss the encounter with life and its meaning. Life is not waiting anywhere, your life is happening to you. It is not in the future as a goal to touch, but is here and now, at this very moment – in your respiration, in the circulation of blood, in the beating of your heart. It is a sin only when you do not enjoy life!
Follow your dreams! It seems to me romantic, the urge in the title. Unfortunately, it has become a kind of mantra, so widespread through the market of self-help and personal development, especially when the mantra is complemented by the utopia that: “the world will go aside, if you know where you are going” or that: “The universe is your accomplice,” or “the universe conspires to what you really want.” It happens frequently that the world (or some people), it against you and the obstacles, abound in a complex social world such as the one we live it. To be clear to us, the dream is what it does, … who? Yes, the dreamer… And the dream is like antonym, … at what? Yes to reality, to waking, since the dream happens in sleep or reverie. If you are awake, it means you do not dream, or that what you dream (that is, images and words) are regarded as what they are and not as instructions/rules for what to do! It’s a colossal difference! A life of meaning (s) does not have much to do with the dream, and it is the hell of a difficult one because it employs us fully. We are fully responsible, (minus only, the circumstances of life, or the” Lucky Strike” factor.:)) If I were to follow my dreams, literally, I would get tied in the straitjacket. 🙂 I refuse to remember what I dream of overnight or in an after-dinner reverie. You would not want to know… I have serious reasons to stay calm and make sure dreams are dreams, not prescriptions or instructions for my actions (or even worse, to sell them to others). What I wish for you too, although,… depends entirely on you!
Where to hide these days? In what recession of memory? It is certainly a comfortable one, in which nothing has changed. But by now it is already the memory of a memory and so far the road is a twisted clew of synapses. Childhood is the safest destination, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to get there.
“Even the smallest flower has its roots in infinity.” It’s a phrase from a book I recently just opened (Das Sanduhrbuch by Ernst Jünger). If I remember correctly, so said Borges, that you can read the history of the entire Universe in the spots of a leopard.
I do not know what others believe, but when I think of this idea, although magnificent, it seems very tiring. Most likely, it is the fatigue that made me think that in a way, what makes us people special, is our freshness. None of us are ancient. Yes, we have the same eons in the back, but this is of little interest to us. The unconscious, yes, is ancient. But consciousness is new. It suddenly appears, at one point, and disappears just as suddenly, after only a few decades. Decades, not millennia, not millions, not billions of years. We have no time to get tired, to get old, to stiffen. And we are our consciences and nothing else. Everything else is repeatable, every feature, every eye color, every shade of hair, every trace of temperament, every gesture, every word, every whim, all of this is found in many people. But consciousness is always unique and very lonely, unfortunately! It’s good that we have empathy from time to time, so at least we suspect that there are other consciences around us, and luckily we stay young. I suspect that Jünger’s flower is unconscious. Otherwise I can not explain how it supports the boundlessness of its roots.
Love not a half lover, nor befriend a half friend Indulge not in the work of the half-talented Live not a half life, nor die a half death Choose not a half solution, nor stand in the middle of a truth Dream not a half dream, nor cling to a half hope If you choose to be silent, be silent to the end And if you choose to speak, speak to the end Let not your silence speak for you, nor your speech silence you If you agree, express your agreement, do not feign your acceptance A half life is a life you have not lived, a word you have not said, a smile you have not expressed, A love you have not felt, and a friendship you have not known A half life makes you a stranger to intimates, and your intimates strangers A half life is what you reach but never attain and where you strive but never succeed It is where you are both absent and present It is where you are not yourself, for you have never known yourself And thus whom you love is not your true soul mate A half life is where you are present in different places at the same time A half drink does not satisfy your thirst, nor a half meal your hunger A half path leads you nowhere, and a half thought yields no result A half life is a moment of weakness, but you are not weak, for you are not a half person You are a person! You exist to live a full life, not a half life.
A portion of disillusion lives in each of us, in every man or woman we love, in every relationship we are involved in or that we wanted. But there is also a dose of hope, effort, and love. The truth is that everything we are and everything that surrounds us is well-dosed. None of us is ready to love and lose oneself entirely, as no one can forget until his/her last memory or provide everything. Things happen dosed, gradually, they undergo a rigorous frame time. Today we try to build and tomorrow we destroy. Today we can love someone and tomorrow we consider him/her our enemy. Today we are ourselves and tomorrow someone else, because nothing is infinite in us. Beyond emotions, beyond love and even beyond the loved ones, there are limits. Some limits we set up ourselves and some we experiment with involuntary. But the ultimate truth is: It does not matter for whom we have set up these limits. It only matters for whom we are willing to overtake them.
When the love we felt at first disappears from our lives, what do we have left with? To live a good life with your partner! It’s going to be crazy (the life), but not too often, or at least I’d prefer. Because you have not moved to the bedlam and at the same time, you can not believe that you are at the party all the time. You can not believe that you will live happily with him or her every day. Actually, you can, but it will not be good for you. Boredom is part of our lives. Is it not like that? Do you feel worried about this? Boredom in a relationship, boredom in two, is one of the most desirable experiences. It is probably, the signal that you have overcome the struggles for domination. From here your good life together can begin. Good living in two starts without us. How does this work? Very simple, the care for our relationship must be above our Ego, taken separately per head. The relationship we have with someone can be, at the choice of each one, above our ego, which almost always seeks preservation or the “status quo”. One of the keys is forgiveness, or more specifically, to take concrete steps to return with your partner to a state of balance, a state of stability. I do not know if you believe me or not, but a good life in two does not mean emotional and verbal excesses. It means having a balance, and this is also true for couples with high volatility I think love begins with acceptance. At least with tolerance. Everyone can love only with his own measure. Otherwise, we speak in terms of domination and control. With the acceptance of what it is, as it is, genuine love actually starts. We notice differences between us. We do not have to pretend we do not see them in the name of a dream-like harmony. But let’s not start personal wars in the name of selfish justice. Let’s look at them (at these small or big differences) and clarify them. We talk about them and then we go together to concessions. I give up a little, you the same and maybe we can understand. Or maybe not. How can we live with this? Together or separate! These are the crossroads of our lives! And yes,… it hurts us usually!
We all feel envy. It’s a spontaneous thought. Envy is an absolutely normal feeling that occurs when, involuntarily or not, we relate ourselves to others and find that they have something we lack.
To be envious is basically to react to the discovery of your disadvantage, to someone who looks like you, but apparently unfavorable, it benefits from superior qualities or circumstances.
The woman is genetically envious. Ethology, the science of animal and human behavior, have shown that human envy is a consequence of competition for primary needs: food, water, air, and reproduction, including sexuality. Any object of our envy is included in the desire, to be advantageous.
Feminine envy, in the historical past of the primitive man, had even the role of the physical elimination of opponents who were targeting a strong man, so capable of giving birth to surviving children in great conditions. Envy it is, therefore, extremely intense, having an inherited base, and is particularly aggressive against women who seem to pose a threat through superiority or the advantage of circumstances.
The woman of today is genetically as envious as the woman from 2,000 to 3,000 years ago, and envy is the feeling that pushes her into a competition, usually against other women. Women gossip and men hit. Unlike men, envy, it causes women to hit the competitor’s image. The most frequent phenomena are rumor and intrigue, as premeditated attitudes of defamation of the envious one, engages affective involvement and even strategies of the annihilation of ” The Ingrate” ! 🙂😤
Ladies, calm down! 😉 emotional instability transform any woman into a “drama queen”! ))
Being free is a very important ingredient of happiness. Free yourself from self-condemning accusations, hypocritical moral values, unsolvable regrets, and mediocre relationships.
You can not be happy if your actions are not congruent with what you think. Be more authentic, even if it means less “moral”.
And do not forget, happiness is a top experience of your existence, but it is a temporary state. Do not be addicted to its continuity!
( Photo- wild horses on the Danube Delta, in Romania, maybe the last in Europe)
“Too many people spend money they have not earned to buy things they do not want, to impress people they do not like.”
Nothing truer, because the most beautiful things are not associated with money, are the memories and beautiful moments associated with loved ones, with friends, with people you have met willingly or randomly and they surprised you, like no one else has ever done! Choose to be happy, and be!
Free will is built with every choice, with every sustained decision that will determine your evolution.
Surprise yourself! The only real routine is the routine of being yourself! This is the only real, exasperating, routine. The rest are just excuses! Real boredom is, to get bored of yourself!
Happiness is not the consequence of gaining something that we do not have, but it is a recognition and appreciation of what we have.
In a way, happiness is a form of courage – the courage to get out of the social flock impressed by dissatisfaction and to spread smiles and enthusiasm. We are all in the same story, but some of us are staring at the stars. 🙂