Looking for lost butterflies…

When the love we felt at first disappears from our lives, what do we have left with? To live a good life with your partner! It’s going to be crazy (the life), but not too often, or at least I’d prefer. Because you have not moved to the bedlam and at the same time, you can not believe that you are at the party all the time. You can not believe that you will live happily with him or her every day. Actually, you can, but it will not be good for you.
Boredom is part of our lives. Is it not like that? Do you feel worried about this? Boredom in a relationship, boredom in two, is one of the most desirable experiences. It is probably, the signal that you have overcome the struggles for domination. From here your good life together can begin.
Good living in two starts without us. How does this work? Very simple, the care for our relationship must be above our Ego, taken separately per head.
The relationship we have with someone can be, at the choice of each one, above our ego, which almost always seeks preservation or the “status quo”.
One of the keys is forgiveness, or more specifically, to take concrete steps to return with your partner to a state of balance, a state of stability. I do not know if you believe me or not, but a good life in two does not mean emotional and verbal excesses. It means having a balance, and this is also true for couples with high volatility
I think love begins with acceptance. At least with tolerance. Everyone can love only with his own measure. Otherwise, we speak in terms of domination and control.
With the acceptance of what it is, as it is, genuine love actually starts. We notice differences between us. We do not have to pretend we do not see them in the name of a dream-like harmony. But let’s not start personal wars in the name of selfish justice. Let’s look at them (at these small or big differences) and clarify them. We talk about them and then we go together to concessions. I give up a little, you the same and maybe we can understand. Or maybe not. How can we live with this? Together or separate!
These are the crossroads of our lives! And yes,… it hurts us usually!

Envy… A common feeling…

We all feel envy. It’s a spontaneous thought. Envy is an absolutely normal feeling that occurs when, involuntarily or not, we relate ourselves to others and find that they have something we lack.
To be envious is basically to react to the discovery of your disadvantage, to someone who looks like you, but apparently unfavorable, it benefits from superior qualities or circumstances.
The woman is genetically envious. Ethology, the science of animal and human behavior, have shown that human envy is a consequence of competition for primary needs: food, water, air, and reproduction, including sexuality. Any object of our envy is included in the desire, to be advantageous.
Feminine envy, in the historical past of the primitive man, had even the role of the physical elimination of opponents who were targeting a strong man, so capable of giving birth to surviving children in great conditions. Envy it is, therefore, extremely intense, having an inherited base, and is particularly aggressive against women who seem to pose a threat through superiority or the advantage of circumstances.
The woman of today is genetically as envious as the woman from 2,000 to 3,000 years ago, and envy is the feeling that pushes her into a competition, usually against other women. Women gossip and men hit. Unlike men, envy, it causes women to hit the competitor’s image. The most frequent phenomena are rumor and intrigue, as premeditated attitudes of defamation of the envious one, engages affective involvement and even strategies of the annihilation of ” The Ingrate” ! 😤
Ladies, calm down!  emotional instability transform any woman into a “drama queen”! ))

Being free…

Being free is a very important ingredient of happiness. Free yourself from self-condemning accusations, hypocritical moral values, unsolvable regrets, and mediocre relationships.
You can not be happy if your actions are not congruent with what you think. Be more authentic, even if it means less “moral”.
And do not forget, happiness is a top experience of your existence, but it is a temporary state. Do not be addicted to its continuity!
( Photo- wild horses on the Danube Delta, in Romania, maybe the last in Europe)

smile and the world will smile with you …:)

“Too many people spend money they have not earned to buy things they do not want, to impress people they do not like.”
Will Rogers
Nothing truer, because the most beautiful things are not associated with money, are the memories and beautiful moments associated with loved ones, with friends, with people you have met willingly or randomly and they surprised you, like no one else has ever done! Choose to be happy, and be!
Free will is built with every choice, with every sustained decision that will determine your evolution.
Surprise yourself! The only real routine is the routine of being yourself! This is the only real, exasperating, routine. The rest are just excuses! Real boredom is, to get bored of yourself!
Happiness is not the consequence of gaining something that we do not have, but it is a recognition and appreciation of what we have.
In a way, happiness is a form of courage – the courage to get out of the social flock impressed by dissatisfaction and to spread smiles and enthusiasm. We are all in the same story, but some of us are staring at the stars. 🙂

 

“perdu quelque part entre “je suis” et “je m’en fous”

There are thousands of writings and books about happiness. How to get happiness, how to keep it if you have found it, why you have not found it before, and the promise that if you do your homework with conscientiousness then you will definitely find it, if not on the earth then necessarily when you land on the other side. For advice and tips, no one surpasses us! But is that really the way it is?
Heaven, Eden, Paradise (call it as you wish) was solemnly imagined in all holy and secular books as an unrealistic utopian grace of silence, a feelingless place where there was no gentleness or anger and no sighs. It was dogmatically simplified by the fear that the slightest shadow introduced into this space could overshadow the brilliance of the promised happiness. Later, people discovered boredom, maliciously discovered the monotony of this landscape, and took dangerous precautions against this eternal and monotonous state of apathy! For it seems that without dramatic landmarks, happiness ceases to exist; a linear, ungraded, unrelated joy is not desirable, it is not good.
In our understanding and conception, self-conscious happiness is nothing but the silence between two crises. The crisis, therefore, would be the cause and effect of happiness, and at the limit of paradox, the suspicion arises that; we can live without happiness, but it seems that not without crisis.
Originally the word “crisis” comes from the Greek “krisis-krinein” – to judge, to think, to reason. Where there is thinking, crisis is possible and where a crisis is pulsating, thinking will automatically pulsate. Happiness can be unconscious, but the crisis is self-thinking. Analytical thinking and doubt are what delineate our very rare state of beatitude, which, undefined by these veritable markings, would sneak past us and would go unnoticed. Not crises but contentment should worry us. Storms, it is true, can be destructive, but the absence of wind means lack of rain and automatically the absence of life.
Young trees should not be housed in the wind, and, above all, they should not be taught that the wind does not exist.
When crisis means change, sinidisis and living, then why decorate our windows and walls with boring paradises?
We are born to think, reason and research, why then, tolerate our cowardliness and apprehension in believing that perfection is somewhere near? We are unhappy not because we would miss happiness, but because its absence does not depend on us. As far as I understand, to me happiness seems to be a matter of free will. Free will is the right to decide your own destiny and fate, in itself it is an indispensable and often sufficient condition of happiness. We can give up on anything, proudly, even happily, as long as we are not forced to do it! It seems that the presence of freedom is sufficient to determine and change the properties of states and situations, a paradoxical human condition, but strictly necessary! It turns out that we need so little to be happy!
But to move between two points, it is necessary to be convinced that the two points exist. To aspire to happiness, we must believe that happiness is possible, in order to get closer to the truth, we must believe that the truth can be said. And mankind has never lacked faith, doubt itself is merely a form of it, a form strictly necessary, a life-giving form; “A faith that does not doubt is a dead faith”, wrote Unamuno. This is, in fact, the path chosen by most beliefs to die.
We are always on our way, moving slowly, taking a step towards the goal, and the second to convince us that the goal exists. And between these two steps, in that gap between the second that dies and the one who knocks at the door, choosing consciously where we go, what we feel and what we are, is our freedom, our happiness.

The Madonna-Whore Syndrome…

In 1912, when S. Freud elaborated the theory of sexuality, he introduced a psychoanalytic concept on the relational stage, which in literature is called “Madonna-Whore Syndrome” and managed to hystericize at least half of the people on the planet. And he continues to do it today, only in another way. Today, psychoanalysis is blamed for the importance of percentages given to sexuality in the individual’s mental life (before, it simply denied the presence of sexuality or its importance). The fact that what is obvious in everyday life is not to be found in psychoanalysis is a dichotomy. I mean, why should Freud’s value be interpreted as abuse in explaining neurosis? If we are still so concerned by the subject of “sex,” why would we then wonder that inhibiting sexual function generates problems? (Actually, it does!)
Madonna / Whore syndrome brings the idea that men (and women) classify women into two categories to the forefront, dividing them into two camps: “Madonna” and degraded women, “Whores.”
The good girls – the Madonnas – are virtuous, innocent, pure and virginal, almost to the point of asexuality (like angels that fly through the heads of some). The bad girls – the whores – are sexually voracious, indiscriminate and aggressive … in fact, they are often depicted acting in a way traditionally defined by male sexuality.
Freud had many brilliant insights (obviously he also had many mistakes in his theories, genius is not guaranteed, nor absolute at anyone), but the dichotomy he exhibited in Madonna / Whore syndrome is brilliant.
This dichotomy had existed for centuries long before Freud’s theory of sexuality before he began to have strange thoughts about cigars and see penises everywhere 🙂 Sexuality is a central theme in our lives. Primitive societies, archaic cultures everywhere have put sexuality under control, invented rules, precepts, taboos, or specific laws. Sexuality is most often forbidden – and “the most forbidden practice,” then it is no wonder that the mythologies of peoples grant absolute liberty in this field only to supernatural gods and beings. For Hindu people, for example, styles of sexual intercourse between mythical beings are carved on temples. Very good :), at least they can enjoy it. Or coming closer to our day, when archaeologists discovered the ancient city of Pompeii, which under the pressure of the lava was kept intact, seeing the mosaics with explicit sexual scenes in the houses of the Romans made them wonder if they did not arrive in Las Vegas 🙂 somehow by mistake. Today we can see this manifested in pop culture: “the blond girl,” virgin and even repressed (usually a blonde) and ” la femme fatale”, the immoral woman (usually a brunette) for whom sex is a weapon and men are just tools. It can be clearly distinguished from the way men – and women – refer to women’s behavior and how men treat women in their lives.
And this faith hurts them all.
Madonna or Whore – a dilemma for the modern woman who wants to reconcile all roles and a more emotional and erotic dichotomy for men who cannot combine both roles of a woman: the serious woman and the “easy” woman.
How does the Madonna-Whore Syndrome actually manifest?
By the man’s inability to maintain a passionate erotic relationship with the woman he loves and with whom he is in an assumed relationship. When he develops a deep sense of romantic attachment, he can even experience episodes of temporary impotence. He will avoid starting hot sex parties, feeling castrated in the relationship with that woman. That’s because in his mind women are split into two categories: women they admire and women they want to have sex with and the loved woman with whom they are in a relationship cannot be both. His sexuality will be inhibited by the emotion of love, and he, not rarely, will decide to satisfy it beyond the relationship but without any intention to leave his lover or wife.
From a certain point on, a man can look at his beloved woman as the woman he wants to have children with, and as such he unconsciously passes her into the category of “saints.” His sexuality can be affected because he does not see her as a woman with whom she can have erotic pleasures with but as a woman who will raise his children. And if there are issues about Oedipus’ complex (suppression of sexuality to his mother, and competition with his father for mother’s affection), romantic-erotic failure is a certainty. Sometimes the fixation of the Madonna-Whore complex can also be facilitated by an accentuous religiosity that divides love into the divine sacrifice and the profane-animalistic. Unfortunately, even today, some families consider the sexual impulse as coming from “the ancestral reptilian brain” (referring to Adam and Eve and the belief that the woman introduced the primal sin), or even being “devil’s work” which is good to protect yourself from as much as you can. The sex sphere thus divided during childhood remains dissociated in two directions that are excluded from each other and fail to reach a unitary sexual pattern.

The truth behind this complex “simple learning ” is much more; it’s not just sex. Both roles are insulting to women. The suggestion that a woman is a sexual being implies that it is otherwise worthless because it is sexual. The concept of “shing-shaming” – mocking or insulting a woman to be a sexual being – also springs from this dichotomy. Because a woman doesn’t follow the role of restricted sexuality that culture creates for her (the way of Madonna), she must be scorned and scared. The guilt of the treatment of a whore is focused only on her. If she were docile, innocent and pure, it would not attract judgment on her.
On the other hand, “Madonna / Virgin” represents the fear of unrestricted sexuality, Madonna is equally patronizing and insulting to women. Putting Madonna on the pedestal of holiness and purity becomes something “protected.” Her role is to be submissive to men as well; just as “Whore / Prostitute” is meant to be punished, Madonna must be preserved and worshiped. Her personality is completely ignored.
It’s About More Than Just Sex.
The difference between Madonna and the Whore goes beyond just sexual expression. The division of “good girl” from “bad girl” covers societal codes for behavior as well. The Good Girl is submissive. She does not act too forward or aggressive for fear of offending others. She’s quiet. She goes along to get along. The Bad Girl, on the other hand, is a bitch. She’s brassy. She’s loud. She stands her ground or even pushes for more. She makes a fuss.

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The first step for men who are still under moral pressure (unconscious or taught) of the Madonna / Whore Syndrome is to accept that all women are sexual beings. The division between the “good girls” who do not and the “bad girls” that do is a remanence of time, religion, and culture that no longer exists. A woman who has sex, enjoys sex and radiates sexuality is still a woman who is as capable of being a loving and responsible parent for your future children (perhaps even more successful because she is not repressed). Similarly, the girlfriend or wife you love is still a sexual being; the fact that you’re in a relationship or putting a ring on her finger does not mean she still does not want the wild sex that you two had in the first few days when you burned through every page of Kama Sutra.
The authenticity and congruence of a relationship are more than finding a maternal figure that will grow your future descendants. You want a partner, yes, but a partner in crime too. You both signed a contract to share an adventure together, and that means sharing and experimenting with the crazy fantasies that you have. Remember that she is a sexual bearer just like you and enjoys the adventure together (yes, even on the “transgressive, borderline illegal stuff” section), that you dream of having once.
Appreciate that (your girlfriend, your wife) your angel has her side of the devil inside of her or that your devil has that angelic part and embraces them all.

to live life in its midst…

The way we live our lives, the way we love and perhaps the way we die, mirrors perfectly in our everyday emotional stories. Though having a perishable existence, the human being is always trying to fly higher to the eternal blue, then levitate at an accessible height – in a permanent dual state: half agony half utopia and aspiration, descending on the earth, metamorphosed and reshuffled in the eternal Sinidisis of the Stardus later. In fact, the human’s relationship with time is an essential drama. Time is intimately linked to the feeling of our own existence. No matter how long-lasting anything is, however, there are boundaries in time: every human, house, political regime, pyramid or other such constructions designed to face the ages, stars, and galaxies, even love will find its end at some point. I have always liked correlation, a comparison between the existence and the death of a relationship and a person. A relationship really dies when you don’t think about it, when you don’t remember it anymore, I think a person really dies with the last memory of him/her. Only then, with the last memory of a person, can the transition from the collective consciousness towards the collective unconsciousness be made.

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Heraclitus from Ephesus was the first Greek philosopher to have correlated our converting to time. Thus, the philosopher said that we could not sink twice in the same river, because between the two moments the river has changed and is no longer identical to the one in the first moment. There are dozens and dozens of types of time: chronological time, physical time, biological time, subjective time, morphological time, quantum time, relativistic time, etc. Therefore, any attempt to define time is a trap without an exit. My perspective is that time needs metaphors. Without the metaphor, the understanding of the world is crippled. And it is not about the metaphors learned in a literature class or the “rhetorical metaphor of beauty,” but about a cognitive and creative metaphor. Because when we talk about time metaphors, we do not refer to time as a preexisting entity. Besides these metaphors, time does not exist.

To understand time like a wave, sometimes maybe a tsunami that comes over us, or rather we come as a wave over time. These are two extremes, and everyday life is somewhere between those two. There is a lot of inadequacy between our hopes and what we are given to live, being anchored here under the circle sign, but that does not prevent us from living every moment fully. What is the charm of the passing of time? To catch a magical moment to enthrall you, to remain in your memory, to attach yourself to it. That makes all of time! The beauty of time is to enjoy the moment. The encounter with good people, few in number, is at the firm boundary between blessing and revelation.

As far as I am concerned, I will not escape from anything that is human in living, as a vehicle towards myself. I will hope, I will get excited, I will celebrate, I will be sad, I will be disappointed, but I will always choose to live life in its midst.